Thursday, 26 April 2012

Lucky Number Seven


I was tagged by Stephanie Sinkhorn, which means I get to share an excerpt from the first draft of my short story collection! 

The rules: 

      1.)    Go to page 77 of your current MS/WIP
2.) Go to line 7.
3.) Copy down the next 7 lines – sentences or paragraphs – and post them as they’re written. No cheating.
4.) Tag 7 authors.
5.) Let them know

This is from one of the short stories called The Fear. This story is narrated by Cherie (there are three different characters which alternate narration with each story). I hope you enjoy!

Now that I spend my entire life terrified, I've found ways to hide the fear. In the daytime, I go about my business calmly, perhaps to Lana and Tate seeming even effortless in my actions. Yet, I still pick the targets in the factory carefully, oh so carefully. If any of us choose one wrong informant, the whole operation will be over.
Laying sleeplessly in bed, my eyes drift over to the front door.
Every night I expect a knock. Every night I expect the apartment to be engulfed in flames, to finally be punished for what we are doing – we are resistors, and sooner or later, the government will find us.

It’s rather dystopian (I love dystopia too much . . .) but I had a lot of fun writing it for the last two months, and I can’t wait to go back and edit it all! It's still very first-drafty at the moment - I think the first paragraph needs a lot of work.

Instead of tagging anybody, I’ll leave it up to you as to whether you want to share what you’re working on. If you do take up the challenge, feel free to let me know; I’d love to offer some comments and see what you’re currently writing.

Also, I would love to hear some critique from you all. Any comment is welcome. Let me know what you thought!

6 comments:

  1. We are resistors...I love it. And I love dystopian too. This was great!

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    1. Thank you! I think that's my favourite line out of the whole exerpt, so I'm glad you liked it!

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  2. Based on the short passage, it's an interesting story. I was just curious about the word Resistors, never heard it before. I heard about Resistance and wasn't sure if you can call the members of the resistance as resistors. Yahoo says that resistors are electronic circuits. So it that a word for humans, or you made it up .. which is fine as well. It's written fine. No need for editing. Sometimes a raw version is more special to read. So why not submit to a magazine as a short story?

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    1. Thank you, Giora. Wow, I didn't even notice that! According to Google - because Google knows all - I should have spelt it resisters. But, honestly, I think I like my spelling better. Plus the connotation of being part of a circuit, like a group rising against the government, is really great. Maybe it could be a neologism of my world!

      I'm really surprised you think it's good raw, I look at that first paragraph and my mind goes 'change it!' Perhaps my inner-editor is over-thinking it too much - it just goes to show why you need another set of eyes to give perspective. If the opportunity came along, I might think about doing that, thanks for the suggestion.

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  3. Glad to see you sharing; this is really gripping. I love it :)

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    1. I'm so pleased to hear you say that! Thank you, Bonnee!

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